3. A Group Of Six.

At the beginning of 2015, I found a group of friends. And finally, I experienced how being in a group truly feels like. It was exciting, fun and all those rules breaking we did and the insane amount of overflowing adrenaline in my veins will never be replaced.

It had been a year, since the six of us came together.

Everyone was dedicated to this little group of friends. We completed group works together, we sat around one another during every lesson and we went out for study dates. We broke the rules, never caring a damn thing as long as we have fun. All of us enjoyed one another's company and we were always together, laughing, joking and having each other's back guarded.

However, things changed.

I don't know since when. Probably when that girl exposed words I entrusted her with. I began losing trust in her. Somehow, there was a wall between us. Slowly, yet steadily, she began to talk to him about things. Horrible things I have no knowledge of. But it wasn't like I knew nothing of it. I just simply act like nothing happened. I didn't want to break what we built. But as it goes on, I started to talk about her with him too. He was closer with me than he ever was with her and he admitted how she spoke behind my back. I didn't know where went wrong. We were once so close. So close we shared our deepest secrets. So close we stuck together throughout every class activities. So close the first thing we do every morning and reccess is to sit beside each other and make phone calls to talk about all those things we wouldn't want anyone but each other to know. We were that close. And just out of nowhere, things changed.

When I talked to him about her, he started to make comments about her too. And we just went on. The trust I bear for her is slowly crumbling. It was a sudden realization, but I realize after all these time, she simply sees me as a rival - academically and socially. Our grades were close. Even our position in both class and level. Always by a place apart. I knew who she was closest with in this group of friends, aside from me (but then again, we probably weren't even close in the beginning at all in her heart) and the dark side of me took over. I had always been close with that guy so it wasn't hard for me to open my mouth and discuss with him about her. But what I didn't expect was his impression of her. I guess he knew as much as I do, if not more. And I was secretly glad that a part of him refused her too, like I do.

We had six. But now we're left with five.

And then there was another plot twist.

Fights broke out between us and another group of people. They accused us of things we never did, and placed labels on us. Him and I stood up for our group. And I thought that he was on our side. But with individual confrontation with that bitch, things took a turn and I realize the truth.

He betrayed us.

And most of all, he betrayed me.

We were so close. I considered him as my closest guy friend in the entire school. Since the day we sat beside each other, we hit off so well. He told me about things he never told to others. He told me about his dreams. He never was afraid of me judging him like the others. We were so close, so open. He sent me his voice, he tells me his judegement, and we talked. About so much. I thought I found the one. I shared things I thought it will be fine. We were, what I thought - invincible.

Yet, he stabbed me from the back.

I didn't expected him to throw the daggers that fast. He went on to the bitch, telling her about how me and that guy received help, expressing his feelings to her like I thought he only did to me. No, he wasn't expressing his feelings. He was badmouthing about us. He went on to that bitch, telling her so many things, so many lies, so many made up scene. And god knows if he told her more than I thought he could and he would. I thought I meant something. Well I guess I thought wrong. Things started to get worse, when he chose to protect himself from staying away from the entire matter, when it was him to cause it all, and the truth began to unfold. He badmouthed about us to that bitch. If he can do it once, who knows how many times he did it already? And the worse was even after all the things, he didn't realize his mistakes.

That was when everything snapped into two.

I lost faith, and so did everyone else.

We had never expected this kind of betrayal from him.

We had six. But now we're left with four.

Although we were a group of six, the other two had lives of their own. They were more sociable and have closer friends in other classes. We accepted the fact and were all fine with it. Perhaps it was the similarity of their friendship lives, the two were closer with each other. It wasn't as if we don't appreciate them just because we are not as close, but sometimes, you just feel a distance between the two and us...

We had six. But now we're left with two.

That guy. He is the only one left. The one who I know I can trust. He was there beside me throughout every single thing. And though he suck at comforting people, he never fails to cheer me up and make me tumble over with laughter. He is a man full of charisma. He have the best jokes ever, is sensitive towards the feelings of others and most of all, he understands. I don't think I've ever came across anyone like him before in this school. He understands like no one ever does. Some times I spilled things that I didn't mean to, but that's because he is too gentle and he made me too at ease to care about the details. He is the only one to be this real with me. He is the only one left.

But a part of me is afraid. Afraid if he'll get tired of me like everyone else did. So I kept part of my trust.

We had six. But now we had none.

We first came together because we got along well. Yet now... we've fell apart. Yet, we wouldn't seperate our ways. Because we're all selfish people.

And this selfishness is the only thing that still bonds us together.

All six of us were full of pride. We don't wish to interact with those that we look down on and at the same time, we refused to be looked down on just because we have no close friends in the class. For this very selfish reason - to appear wanted, we stayed together and acted like nothing happened. Like there were no cracks. Like we were back in the past.

Yet if anyone were to look closer, they wouldn't have missed how things changed.

Our conversations got shorter. From the jokes every five minutes and the laughter every minute, it went down to only a few necessary academic exchange. We became quiet. We became unsure of how we should interact. And even if we keep up the chatter, the content are all boring and dull, never truly able to captivate any of us.

Yet we put on all those act, for that very sole reason that holds us together.

To avoid any judgmental eyes and the trouble to find new friends.

No matter how much we've fallen apart; no matter how little faith we've left for one another; no matter how tiring it gets to fake each smile and laugh to put on a show; no matter how boring those empty conversations get; no matter the price, as long as it's for that reason, for our own benefits, we will not stop. We'll just carry on using one another for our own purpose.

Everyone knew what was everyone else thinking. Yet no one said anything. We just each carry on with our own scheme, willing to carry out the roles they assigned for us, as long as they too, follow ours.

A bunch of selfish, heartless people, don't you think?

It's this selfish and indifference that still bonds us together.

Sad, yet not really. I'm glad there's still a kind of bond between us that no one can severe and interfer.

Because it's only the six of us that can be as ruthless, as heartless, as unfeeling to make use of others while letting others make use of ourselves, for our own benefits. I've witnessed how many others tried, yet failed.

Somehow, we've got an amazing relationship, don't we? Heh.

But that's all just self reassurance. In reality, it is simply what it is.

At the end of 2015, I am together with five strangers that all sold their souls to the devils. And I, along with them, will pave unforgettable memories filled with sweet betrayal.

Completed on 21.01.16